More than once someone has accused one of our pastors of being a gossip for telling me about a situation they were facing. In one situation, it later turned out three people had got together, talked about the pastor behind their back, and decided they were a gossip. I thought maybe I should call the irony police on that one! I then found out the piece of information that they accused the pastor of saying wasn’t true and the pastor did not even say it. But apart from that!
We need to discuss from a Biblical point of view what gossip is and what gossip is not.
The truth is that when a pastor or elder tells someone who is over them about a pastoral situation, it is not gossip, and we need to stop falsely labelling it as such. Let’s go to the Word and find out!
In 1 Corinthians 1.10 to 11, Paul tells the Corinthians about a conversation he had with “Chloe’s people”.
10 I appeal to you, brothers by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. 11 For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers.
Chloe is either an elder or pastor in Corinth, and concerned about the fact that certain people in the church are quarrelling. The Greek word for quarreling is eris, and it means people who are non-stop arguing, often just arguing for the sake of arguing, and making a big deal of minor matters. The Corinthian church was a very immature and worldly church, and arguing about minor things is a very worldly behaviour (see Romans 1.29, and 1 Cor. 3.3 where the same Greek word is used), and to see the Christians in the church arguing and fighting and opening the door to the devil concerned her so much that she contacted Paul and told him.
Notice that Paul as the apostle who started the church does not rebuke Chloe for gossip. He does not say “don’t tell me what is going on, that’s gossip, don’t discuss these things with me” – rather Paul listens carefully to the pastor and responds with a letter. I do the same when pastors of churches that I have planted come to me with issues that are going on in their churches. Our touchline is the Bible.
The Bible defines gossip as revealing secrets (Proverbs 11.13), causing quarrels (Proverbs 26.20) and indulging in delicious morsels (Proverbs 26.22). When someone finds out someone in the church is doing something they should not be, and starts telling others to cause scandal, to create some drama and to enjoy being the chef of dishing the dirt, then that is gossip. Some people live boring lives and they entertain themselves by little snacks of stories of other people’s lives!
But when Chloe told Paul about the quarrelling and strife in the church, Chloe was not a gossip at all, she was a leader in the church looking for wisdom and help and sharing a problem not with someone who used to go to the church and now hates it and cannot wait to hear problems about it, but with the individual who started the church and had more experience in ministry than her, and could help her.
She was not doing it to cause a quarrel – she was doing it to stop a quarrel. She was not doing it because she wanted a tasty morsel. As a spiritual leader, she loved and cared for the people that Jesus Christ entrusted to her, and wanted the best wisdom for caring for them. That is not gossip or Paul would have rebuked Chloe.
Gossip really is the opposite of the gospel: it’s bad news. The gospel is good news about grace, the gossip is bad news about sin. It is talking about sin for the sake of talking about sin, for the sake of tantalizing and judging and demeaning people. There was a time that David was sick, and people started sharing the story that he was going to die soon (Psalm 41.5-8). They did not go to the prophet or priest with concern, they were secretly celebrating. That’s gossip!
Later on, we find out Chloe told Paul as well that some people in the church were engaged in sexual immorality, having sex before they were married (1 Cor. 5.1). Again, we do not see Paul rebuking Chloe for gossip because Chloe is not a gossip, she is going Paul to help rescue people from their ungodly lifestyle. That’s not gossip! When a pastor speaks to another pastor about a situation someone in the church is going through to get help, wisdom and advice that is never gossip.
I have been accused of gossip recently about a situation, but I only ever spoke to pastors who have been pastors longer than me trying to get some wisdom in a situation that I had never been in before. Meanwhile, the people accusing me of gossip were making videos to the general public containing nasty lies about me that anyone could watch. One of those things is gossip, the other is not. It’s that simple.
The problem with gossip is that it is sneaky. It is sly and furtive. It is done out of arrogance (Psalm 101.5).
The Hebrew word for gossip can be translated to whisper, and often gossips lower their voices because in their heart they know that their words are wrong and should not be overheard. When pastors have come to me about a certain person’s problems, whether it be their quarreling nature, their sexual immorality, or any other problem, they never look around, they never lower their voice because in the spirit they know that it is not gossip, and it is not.
To suggest that when one of my pastors tells me about a situation in the church is gossip is as dumb as suggesting that when I saw a car accident while walking to the corner shop a few years ago I was a gossip when I told the police what I saw happen because the driver was no longer around! Think about it!
Another part of pastoring that many people are not aware of, generally because of the very low level of Bible reading that so many Christians engage in, is that a good pastor is supposed to warn people if there is someone dangerous around.
While writing to Timothy, Paul says to him:
Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message (2 Tim. 4.14-15 ESV)
Do you think Paul is a gossip for saying this to Timothy? Do you think the Holy Spirit took the sin of gossip and inspired it to be in the Bible? I mean seriously think about this. When I have a pastors meeting and I say “Such and such has left the church, but be aware, before he left, he raised his fists to me, he lied, he said how much he hated me, he said this and that about the church and opposed our message” – that is not gossip. That is good pastoring. That is helping people protect their flock.
I understand that people who are argumentative, immature, mistreating their children, sexual predators, liars and doing the church great harm would rather that the pastoral team did not talk about them. They would rather continuing in their sin, they would rather their lies are not challenged, the would rather they could keep doing the church harm and feed their hatred. I would imagine Alexander would not be happy that Paul told Timothy about how harmful his behaviour was.
Maybe when Alexander turned up at the church in Ephesus and asked if he could share a word, or lead worship, or whatever, that Timothy said well actually Paul told me you did him harm and I am not interesting in platforming you. I am sure Alexander would start telling people (behind Paul and Timothy’s back mind you) that Paul and Timothy are nasty, little, gossips when actually they are being good pastors and protecting the flock! Alexander would have been talking about of revenge and backstabbing, while Paul and Timothy are trying to love and protect the flock.
And this was not the only time Paul did this. In 1 Timothy 1.18-20, Paul tells Timothy to deal with false teachings and he names Hymenaeus and Alexander as false teachers. If in a pastor’s meeting, I say can we please not promote such and such a preacher, or can such and such in Church A be told to stop bringing his books to church and passing them around, that is not gossip, that is good pastoring in the style of Paul. What’s shocking is that when people talk about that pastoral decision behind the pastor’s backs and then decide the pastors are gossips.
When someone comes to me with a problem, I have learned over the years, especially when I was a youth pastor, to never promise confidentiality. I rather say something like “I am not a gossip, and I won’t be sharing this publicly, but if you tell me a problem, I may share it with one or two pastors to get some wisdom and advice on how to deal with it, and in some situations I might legally have to contact the police or social services, if you still want to tell me, please do”.
The question I asked last Sunday in Dagenham when preaching is how do we build a culture of love. Chloe asking Paul how to respond to people in the church living together and not being married is birthed out of love, the desire is to leave drama behind and lead the church to still waters and green pastures.
Someone telling someone else that they heard this and heard that, especially when you know the person is disgruntled and you are feeding that negative, ungodly attitude, especially when you know the person is like Alexander the coppersmith and want to harm the church and want to cause disruption and oppose the message of grace and peace!
John for many years was involved in the church at Ephesus, and for a season it seems he was the pastor of the church, He wrote to the church in 3 John and says the following:
9 I wrote to the church about this, but Diotrephes, who loves to be the leader, refuses to have anything to do with us. 10 When I come, I will report some of the things he is doing and the evil accusations he is making against us. Not only does he refuse to welcome the traveling teachers, he also tells others not to help them. And when they do help, he puts them out of the church.
11 Dear friend, don’t let this bad example influence you. Follow only what is good. Remember that those who do good prove that they are God’s children, and those who do evil prove that they do not know God
John tells the entire church that Diotrephes:
- Loves to be the leader (literally in the Greek, the word means loves to be in the first place or up the front, in a special place).
- Refuses to have anything to do with us
- Is making evil accusations against us
- Refuses to welcome travelling preachers
- Tells others not to help them
John did not consider revealing these things to be gossip. Funnily enough (though it was not funny at the time) I had to tell all the pastors about someone who loved to have pre-eminence, and in fact point blank refused to go to any meeting they were not at the front for and ministering in. I had to let them know the person refused to have anything to do with us, even though we reached out in love. We had to explain how badly they treated some of our travelling guest preachers and that they were constantly bad-mouthing those preachers to others in the church! And guess what – none of that was gossip – it was helping our pastors understand how to pastor, how to set a good example, how to live for Christ.
Read all of 3 John, John mentioned Diotrephes’ behaviour to explain how to live for Christ, Not gossip, but great pastoring from one of the original twelve apostles, the man whose head was on the chest of Jesus.
If the Alexanders and Diotrephes and Hymenaeus’ of this world can convince you that your pastors are talking about you behind your back and gossiping about you, then either you will hide your sin and harden your heart, or even change churches. You wouldn’t have changed churches because of the leading of the Lord, but because you borrowed offense from people who are trying to harm a church! It’s that simple.
I make no apologies about being clear and upfront about this. I make no apologies about consulting with my team of pastors in seeking to help people and also warn others about dangerous people. When plague broke out in London in the 17th century, people did not say “well, there is a deadly infectious plague out there that will cause great harm to people but we won’t mention it because we would hate to upset someone and be called a gossip” – no they painted giant red Xs on people’s houses to show that house was one to stay well away from.
I make no apology when I am painting a red X on someone and telling our other pastors and leaders about them because I want a plague free church, I want a gossip free church, I want a church full of the Word, full of the Spirit, full of the nations and full of love. I want all of us to walk in victory and peace, and sometimes the only way to do that is to talk about certain situations.
Romans 16.17 actually tells us to mark those who cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine you have learned and avoid them. The verse is written to “brethren”, not just leaders. All of us have a responsibility to speak to leadership when people are truly gossiping about a situation in church, or dishonouring the leadership by talking dirt about them. And all of us have to realize that when leaders are discussing pastoral situations or warning people about dangerous people, that is not and has never been gossip. It is good pastoring.
Jesus Himself told the church at Ephesus to avoid the Nicolaitans. They were a cult built around Nicholas who used to be a deacon in the church, and wanted to build a new religion of Christianity, Judaism and Roman paganism all mixed up.
We have a great team of pastors in the Tree of Life, we have certainly all been gossiped about, lied about and had people wish us great harm. All good pastors end up with an Alexander or two. But what I would ask all of you to consider is what is the fruit.
Paul wrote half of the New Testament, planted churches all over Europe and Asia, wherever he preached there were salvations and healings. He kept a pure heart during so much persecution. Alexander just did harm to people.
There are people who don’t even go to church, and people are listening to them like they are spiritual leaders. There are people whose children are not living for God and people are listening to them like they are spiritual leaders. There are people who cause drama wherever they go and people think they are someone worth listening to. Meanwhile our pastors are growing people, growing churches, seeing healings and miracles. By the fruit you shall know them! Of course we want them to repent and be restored, of course we want to see people on fire for God, but until that happens, we must not platform people – either in the church or in our hearts.
If you are in Tree of Life, I can assure you that your pastors are not gossips. I know that, I am in all the pastor’s meetings. I am not a gossip, Amanda is not a gossip, none of our pastor’s are gossips. Maybe you were talking about one of us behind our back and decided we were a gossip but now think about that one, in the light of the Bible. We do not listen to gossip about each other, and if people will not stop gossiping, we will stand them down.
Guard your heart against gossip. If someone is feeding you tasty morsels of gossip, let them know you are fasting negative words about others. Stand up to them, and if they keep gossiping, do what the Bible says and have nothing to do with them, especially if they are not interested in growing spiritually or walking with God, no matter how nice they seem. Pray for yourself, pray for your spiritual leaders, and do not let strife into the local church.
I am not talking about witch hunts, I am talking about building a church community free from strife and full of love, and to do that we are all drafted. I’m on a mission here – a mission to build a family of churches with a culture full of love, without any gossip, encouraging and edifying each other, changing the world with the truth of the Word and the power of the Spirit. Join us and our wonderful team of pastors!
Selah.
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