I’m going to finish our secrets of success series today by giving you one of the most important secrets to win in life and finish strong, and that is you need to get to the place where it is very difficult indeed, if not impossible, to offend you. You need to be swift to forgive.
Now, some people try and live life avoiding offenses, and you can’t, not completely – Jesus Himself said “it is impossible that no offenses should come” (Luke 17.1). So if the Word says it is impossible, it is impossible, The Bible rarely refers to situations as impossible, but apparently living on earth and not having an offense come your way is one of those situations.
Jesus had many opportunities to be offended, but He didn’t take any of them. That is our example and our goal. Jesus was constantly being interrogated, played games with, excluded, lied about – all of it was a temptation to get offended, but Jesus lived above temptation. Jesus was born in a manager because people would not move out of His way and honour Him as a king. Jesus never had any self-pity or offense because of this, He just moved on and went and did what God wanted Him to do! People who should have known better ignored Him and did not help Him, but He just kept going.
That is part and parcel of success in life. You have to be confident in who you are and God’s grace and give little weight to others’ opinions and then still love them and bless them!
People who get offended press pause in their life until they forgive. They do not advance. So, the quicker you can forgive, the more you will accomplish in your lifetime, it really is that simple. Unforgiveness is a waste of time, energy and destiny.
Now, the key to avoiding offense is the same key as many victories in the kingdom – it is this: just because I feel offended does not mean I am. We live by faith not feelings. If you receive it – you are.
So someone does something offensive, they overlook you, they insult you, they take advantage of you, they did something – and you feel offended. That’s step one. Now, the truth is we all have those feelings, they are the temptation to get offended, they do not mean you are offended.
Then you have to make a choice, shall I submit to those feelings and be offended, or shall I live superior to offense and rise above it?
Feeling offended is like someone giving you a glass of poison – choosing to be offended is grabbing that glass and drinking it all. It’s your choice – but understand the poison will only hurt you, not the other person, it will only put your life on hold until you stop drinking the poison!
This is a massive key to your success in life, it cannot be overstated. We are supposed to overlooking offenses, but most Christians are looking over their offenses, even looking for new ones. I had someone recently tell me they re-listened to one of my sermons to find out what I had said wrong and to get angry about it. That’s looking for offenses, not looking over offenses.
The Greek word for offense is skandalon, which is the word for the bait in a trap. It’s not the trap, it’s the cheese. Offense is not a trap, it’s the bait – but if you go for the bait and yield to your feelings of offense, you will be trapped. You will not be able to walk in your destiny. You will be pressing pause on your destiny. The offense will act like poison, it will paralyse you, dull you, change your emotions, lower your inhibitions and you will start to decide that you have a right, an entitlement to that offense, and you will hold onto it.
But the truth is the offense will do nothing but harm you. It is impossible that no offenses should come – it is unavoidable that you can live in this world and someone will not do something to make you feel offended. The tragedy is we live in a culture where people are hunting for reasons to be offended. It takes a lot of effort to get offended by a decade-old tweet, you have to really look for it. But that’s the culture we live in – people get offended by race issues, sexuality issues, political issues, financial issues. People are offended a preacher owns a nice car. People are offended that a criminal goes to jail. People are offended by things that are crazy. People are offended that they cannot use the ladies’ bathroom when they are a man!
People are often offended by authority (look at the “defund the police” movement, it’s entirely built on offense) so be careful around authority to acknowledge they are the authority. It will make it easier not to get offended. Several people offended at me are offended because I am in charge of Tree of Life and they are not – and if they had just realized that, they might have been able to deal with that offense. I had a temptation to be offended at another ministry recently, but I reminded myself it’s none of my business what they do and I am not in charge, and it was easier to resist drinking the poison.
Another attitude that will open you up to being offended is if you are constantly interfering. It amazes me that someone will just go on someone else’s Facebook and just insult them, correct them, try and get them to do or think something different. You need an attitude that says most of most things are none of your business. You should not have a sphere of concern that is larger than your sphere of influence. That truth alone will save you! I have also found that getting offended when you hear someone else’s story is dangerous – you are only hearing one side of the story, and you do not know what the other side is.
Negative people are more likely to get offended. If you are constantly thinking the worst, you will get offended. But if you think the best, and give people the benefit of the doubt, you will find it easier to resist offence. Dave Duell said to me once after a situation came about when someone was exceptionally rude to him, “Ben, they are only acting on what they think they know, don’t hold it against them!”. I have found that has helped me not get offended on more than one occasion.
Finally, offence happens when people don’t meet our unspoken expectations. People were offended at Jesus for not challenging the Romans, John the Baptist was tempted to be offended for being in jail while Jesus kept ministering. People expect you to do something and you don’t do it, they get offended and you have no idea how or why. Just don’t have expectations of people and you will not be offended. Don’t get offended if someone is blessed and you felt it should have been you! You are like a child who expected mum to buy them a bar of chocolate, but mum didn’t know, no one knew, and yet the child still tantrums.
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