Can You See It 14: Can You See Your Spouse?

God told Adam that it was not good for him to be alone, but Adam looked around at the kangaroos, the giraffes, the lions and tigers and bears and thought – no, I do not want to be married to any of those. So God made a spouse, a helpmeet for him, and from the beginning of creation, God showed that He loves marriage.

Now, marriage today has become something that people mainly do to make themselves happy. But a spouse was never created by God to make you happy. What is designed to make us happy is not the presence of a spouse, but the presence of the Lord (Psalm 16.11). If we are depending on a spouse to bring us to fullness of joy, we will always be disappointed in our marriages. When someone divorces because their spouse did not make them happy any more, they are showing that they did not perceive the purpose of marriage. They did not perceive, so they did not exalt their spouse and their marriage, and eventually it fell apart.

You need to realize if you are married that your spouse is a gift from God given to you to protect you and help you. One of the main benefits of marriage is a second set of eyes. I am a very focused person, which means that inevitably there are things I will miss, because I am looking in one direction. Like a camera, if you focus on one thing, you will miss other things. If you are gazing north, you cannot see what is south. So, God gives us a spouse who will see things we will not see. If you and your spouse learn to see things together, you will have a 3d image and not have blind spots.

The second thing is you have to perceive is that marriage is also for prayer. You have someone available at all times that you can pray in agreement with and see results neither of you could pray about on your own.

Now, for those of you who have not married yet, my advice to you is think twice. Do not enter into marriage lightly, or for the wrong reasons. Marriage is designed to be permanent so consider it carefully. Learn to perceive what makes a godly spouse – it’s not expensive gifts and nice meals, it is listening, patience and the willingness to be corrected. You need to marry someone who loves Jesus, someone who celebrates your dreams If this person is not the first person you want to call when you are blessed, reconsider!

Do not marry someone who is not on fire for the Lord. So many settle for a Christian in name only, feeling proud they are not marrying an unbeliever. But that is not the way. You want to be very careful of anyone who is comfortable in an ungodly atmosphere, it means they are living from their flesh not the spirit. My favourite atmosphere is not some pub where people are drinking out of pain and rebellion and are being coarse and rude, my favourite atmosphere is in the church, worshipping with my hands in the air, spending time with my Father.

Make sure your intended has a pastor – not just a church they occasionally attend, but wiser Christians who are godly who minister to them and speak into their lives. Whose feet are they sitting at? If they are a rebel in church, and living without a covering, they will not let you be their covering, or be able to love you like Christ loves the church! Time to reconsider!

If I was getting married today, the first thing I would do is want to speak to my intended’s pastor and see if they are impressed with them. i would want to see them praying, hearing the Word, growing. If they had an ungodly background, I would want to see some pain and remorse at that lifestyle, not mocking it or being arrogant about it. That is the fear of the Lord and it is the beginning of wisdom. Be very careful about entering into marriage with someone who does not have a spiritual leader in their life!

Worldly advice on marriage generally makes me want to be sick. One magazine article said “how to stay sexy so your husband does not stray”. It doesn’t matter how sexy you are, it does not stop other women being sexy. So make sure you choose a man who fears the Lord. There are whole websites and books and industries teaching women to manipulate men and men to manipulate women, it is not the way of Jesus Christ. Be wary of flirtatious people – some men need attention from women and vice versa. Reconsider!

Men, pay attention to your intended’s best friend. If she is a rebel, living with a man and not married, mocking God’s Word and things living holy is a joke, perceive what this means and think twice! Reconsider! You should be marrying someone who has godly friends! Women, pay attention if he has a gang of friends and not one of them is living for God! That’s the level he craves.

Selah!