10 Ways to Destroy a Church


10.  Never be willing to do anything to help.  See the church as a provider of a service, not a community you are part of.  Never step up to taking responsibility, always see yourself as a tenant not an owner!

9.  Expect everyone to notice you and what you contribute.  If they fail to notice you, get stroppy with them for being so selfish and not noticing all you do to make things happen.  If they still fail, withdraw from the group until someone contacts you and asks how you are and makes a big fuss over you.

8.  Always speak to the people you know.  Never speak to new people in case they find us friendly and then decide they want to hang around – then where would we be?

7.  Be very intolerant of people who don’t know how we do things around here.  Our unspoken dress code, our order of service, even how we make a cup of tea and coffee, where cables go at the end of the church.  Make sure these people are told in no uncertain terms that they have done something really foolish and that everyone thinks they look ridiculous.

6.  Make sure you put other people down and criticize their contributions, their ideas, their style.  Otherwise how else is anyone going to know how amazing you are?  Your candle will surely burn brighter if you blow everyone elses’ candles out. 

5.  Be unpunctual.  It’s only 5 minutes of your time – so don’t ever think that if 20 people are waiting for you to arrive that’s 100 minutes you have wasted.  it is important not to think of other people here, but only yourself – otherwise you might stop being selfish, arrive on time and actually contribute to moving things forward.

4. Always take on more than you cope with – and when you serve be like Martha – rush about, get upset at people not serving, get bitter and angry and then boom – you lose your relationship with the Lord, and make other people feel guilty.  It might not help the community grow, but it will make you feel better and superior too.  That’s what it’s all about – that’s the only reason to serve.

3. Look for things to criticize.  You will find them.  In any church, you will find them.  Make sure you don’t look at all the work the church is doing, all the exciting things that are happening, all the good that is being done.  Look for the crack in the wall, don’t praise God for the wall.  When your looking at the cracks, you don’t get inspired and challenged by the wall.  You don’t get excited by all the things happening in the building.  You keep focused on the cracks.  But the good news is that you get a reputation in the church as the crack expert.  When people want to know what is going wrong, they come to you.  You get a lot of admiration being the crack expert and the great news is this – it’s the easiest job in the church.  Getting involved in the building, mixing cement, laying bricks, working as a team – that’s too much like hard work.  No – watch the builders build, notice when they get it wrong and let others know (loudly).  That is an easy job and an easy pathway to making friends and having a following.  (NOTE: please don’t take the time to ever consider that if you choose this path all your friends are backstabbing gossips.  Just be glad that they are listening to you and feed your power base).

2.  Make sure you tip the church.  About £1 per service is about right, maybe £2 or £3 if the message is amazing.  That way you dull the feeling inside that you should contribute to the financial health of the church, and that giving to the church is part of being significant.  There are a whole bunch of internet sites, mostly written by people who don’t go to church about how the tithe is obsolete, giving to churches is wrong and you should keep your money and spend it on yourself.  Spend lots of time reading these sites in case you start giving significant amounts so the church can blaze forward and impact the world.  Every time the preacher gets a new suit or car, think all about your suits and cars that you don’t have and hold back on your giving.  Remember – it’s someone elses’ job!

1.  Never, ever be disciplined about going.  It’s been a busy weekend?  Skip church on Sunday.  Stay in bed.  Play a board game with your children – tell yourself that you are doing it for them (don’t consider that you are training them to skip church when you are tired, and that might not be a good habit to instill in a child).  It’s been a hard day at work?  Don’t go to Living Church.  They won’t miss you.  You can read the Bible yourself (don’t consider that you never do during those times).  You don’t need fellowship to advice.  Go when you feel like – and tell yourself it what Jesus wants.  Again, there are loads of websites written by people about how church is institutional, sets you back in your Christian faith and a whole host of other things.  Start to see church as an optional extra that fits into your life, not the bedrock of your Christian life.  

Making Disciples – the Truth…

For some reason many people use “making disciples” as a code phrase for “being the church policeman/ being a bully for Jesus”.

Making disciples was never about investigating people’s lives to make sure they come up to our high standards – it wasn’t even about ethics. It was about training people to create masterpieces.

In the ancient Greek world, a skilled artisan would take on some young helpers – disciples, who would watch him work, watch him create, watch him make works of art, find out how he found his inspiration, how he handled the tools, how he turned a block of marble into a statue, how he combined paints, how he rested, how he worked, how he made decisions.

Making disciples is when a Christian – a masterpiece of God designed to work masterpieces – who is fruitful, who is changing lives, healing the sick, ministering grace and life to people, lays down His life into younger, more inexperienced people and loves them enough and sacrifices enough of his privacy and time so they can see him heal the sick and find out how he does it, see him preach and realize how he does it, see him change lives, see him deal with criticism, with praise, and learn how to heal the sick and cast out demons and speak in tongues and extend the kingdom of God on earth.

It has nothing to do with looking at those who can’t and critiquing their decisions and habits from our ivory towers. It has to do with getting your hands dirty and living the life in a transparent way that others can model it.

Of course – if you aren’t doing anything worthwhile no one will ever want to model it! Then of course you need to criticize and attack them because otherwise people will see the Emperor has no clothes and realize you can’t do the stuff in the Word. So quickly attack the people who don’t want to be your disciple, and tell them they are rubbish and don’t care about God, and have no heart for the kingdom and that they are not disciples and just converts and whatever. It should deflect from people realizing you are naked.

On the other hand you could clothe yourself in righteousness, realize who you are, and do the works of the kingdom. Then people will crawl over broken glass to be close to you and be with you, and you won’t have to lie to discredit them.

Of course if you are not skilled at what you do no one wants to be your disciple! It’s a simple thing but one you need to realize. The quality of discipleship does not depend on the novice, but on the skill of the master.